Friday, May 10, 2013

Billy


William Emmett Geder, Jr. 1939 - 1990; my Brother

How far back can trace your lineage?

That’s one of those questions designed to take you as far away from discovering who you are as possible. It takes you out of yourself, out of your family, out of your community, out of your world, and out of your mind.

The service for my brother at Christ Episcopal church was like any other until the new priest, who actually didn’t know him, pointed to a spot in the choir where Billy once stood some forty years prior. It came crashing down all around me that I was somehow in that spot. I was never in the choir, but my soul and my spirit was in that spot. It came crashing down all around me that my spirit was to the left and right of me, where my sisters, Elaine and Sonya, sat in the pew. My mother and father looked upon me from the stained glass windows. I was, at once past and present, in all of the love of my family, my friends, my community, my church, my brother.

I had already started my genealogy journey, but it didn’t prepare me for this moment. No happy dance here. This wasn’t about collecting data, cutting the obit out of the newspaper, reaching for the photo album, or sitting around sharing stories. I don’t remember any of that. As selfish as it seems, it was about what of Billy was in me. What of Billy am I carrying with me to this day and beyond.

I miss my brother, and I love him.
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Peace and Blessings,
"Guided by the Ancestors"
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